5 Ways Self Help Is Bad For You

I’ve pretty much read all the best self help books and programs over the last 5 years, and my views on self help have evolved over time.

In the past, I had a very one sided view of self help – it was AWESOME.

I think that anyone striving to be a better can look no further than some of the best self help books out there, like Think And Grow Rich, amongst others.

Now that I’ve dug deeply into self help, I also think that self help can be equally bad for you as it is good. Here are some symptoms of negative self help:

1. Thinking You Know Everything.

The Greek myth Icarus tells the story of a son who escaped prison by flying with wings made of wax. Ignoring his father’s strict instructions, he flew too close to the sun, and the wax melted. He then fell to his death.

Becoming a “know it all” self-help expert has this same kind of danger. Be warned – whenever you think you know everything, that’s when you can be sure you are missing something – and disaster is about to strike.

This year I’ve learned that true learning requires a detachment from “what I think I know”. It’s exactly what I think I know which blocks me from learning something new.

When I meet people who think they know everything about personal development, I call them sophomores. In Greek the word sophomore means wise fool. (I guess the Greeks knew a lot about this stuff huh?)

True wisdom comes from being open to new possibilities.

2. Giving Unsolicited Advice

Because you think you know it all, you suddenly feel compelled to make everyone else just like you.

Here’s a reality check:

Most people don’t want to change, they want to keep validating their beliefs and stay the same. When you come around with all of your unsolicited advice, there will be some who listen at first, but for the most part, people will find a way to discredit you and stay as they are.

There are only a tiny percentage of people who are open to hearing a new perspective andinterested in change. Those are the people who I help.

Giving unsolicited advice can also come across very arrogant.

If you want other people to change, you have to meet them peacefully on their planet. Unsolicited advice is like a hardcore alien invasion.

3. Always Trying To “Fix” Yourself And Other People.

It’s one thing to want more out of life, but it’s another story if you’re the person who is always trying to fix yourself

The guy who obsessively tries to fix himself and other people is usually coming from a very bad mindset…

The, “I’m not good enough as I am” mindset.

There’s a problem with this mindset. One of the biggest reasons people get into reading the best self help books is to improve their self esteem. One of the big ways to improve your self esteem is to accept your self for who you are.

What kind of message are you putting out there if you can’t chill out for a bit, you always have to “fix” your imperfections?

Do you see the irony?

Striving to be a better person is a noble cause, but true masters know how to accept themselves and take right action – just because that’s the right thing to do.

You shouldn’t have to hate yourself to have motivation to change.

4. Striving For Some Unknown Point In The Future When You Will Be Perfect.

Reading self help books comes from the best intentions. You want to be better. But once you get into the self help movement, you are suddenly overwhelmed by all of these “gurus” who keep telling you how much better you can be.

On one level this is true – but does that justify becoming a person who constantly postpones their happiness until some future point when they are finally “successful”.


Success is to be found in the present moment. If you suddenly caught on to how short your life really was – and how you could die at any time – then you might see that suffering when you don’t have to is a tragic waste.

You don’t have to stop enjoying what you do to be successful, and being a blissfully happy person while you strive for success is totally possible.

What do you have to do to be happy now, and successful some day?

5. Avoiding Other People Because They Aren’t Like You.

Napoleon Hill says to keep negative people away at all cost, Brian Tracy says you become more like your “reference group” and Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of your 5 best friends.

Those were all mantras that I used to live by – but not so anymore.

Here’s the deal, if you cannot tolerate other people’s views because they are different from yours, that means that subconsciously, you are depending on them to tell you what to believe.

Someone with a true internal frame of reference can be around other people without being bent out of shape about it.

What’s more, when you start to read all the best self help books, a subtle dynamic comes over you that you are unaware of. You start seeing yourself as an “enemy” to others.

All I’m saying is, YES, you should keep positive influences around you, but is that a reason to lose your ability to relate to most regular people?

This is a recipe for loneliness beyond measure. Instead of doing this, find a way to relate to people when they’re at their best. Stop looking to see how different you are from other people, and start looking to see your similarities.

Avoid The Pitfalls Of Self Help With The All Or Nothing Principle.

I still think self help is a great thing, but now that I know what the negative sides of personal growth are, I have one bit of “unsolicited advice” for anyone who is passionate about change.

If you want to change, follow the All Or Nothing Principle.

This means, that if you are committed to growth, and you are using self help to meet that end, give your personal development everything you’ve got.

Do whatever it takes to get the outcome you want, or don’t try at all, because if you half ass your personal growth, you might take only half the journey.

Or worse… you might wind up like one of those people who’ve read all the best self help books, and now has some superficial knowledge to run ego trips on other people, but who hasn’t really changed underneath the surface.

Every worthwhile journey has danger along its path. The only way to ensure that you don’t end up stuck, is to make a hundred percent commitment to your growth, so that you keep trying even when you’ve screwed up.

Why Reading More Self Help Books Won’t Bring You Success

Are you a self help junkie? Do you buy and read hundreds of self help books? Do you own dozens of motivational CDs? Are you still seeking the elusive success that has been promised to you?

Is going into debt for self help a good investment?

I have met people who do; people who think that the more expensive a seminar, the greater value they will get from it. Some of these people have even gone into debt so they can ‘invest in themselves’. While I heartily agree that personal development and growth is the most valuable thing you can do with your time, I’m not sure that reading another self help book is always the way to do it.

Don’t get me wrong, I think self help books are wonderful. I own a few dozen myself. I avidly read (and even summarise) them. They nearly always have a few precious gems you can use in your own life.

Is there a quick fix?

I have always been an observer of human behaviour and there is one behaviour trait I have noticed in recent years that is helping to fuel the massive growth of the self help industry. What trait is that? It is the desire to have a quick fix; to take a pill (or equivalent) and have our troubles go away. Rather than changing our lifestyle or our thinking, we would rather ask for an aid that required no effort on our part to fix our troubles. We can pay a lot of money for these quick fixes so that we avoid doing the hard yards of internal awareness and insight and the pain they can bring.

Where self help books offer value

And they are valuable in one very important area of personal development… they can change your mindset. They can help you to find a better way to see, think, feel and be. These are very valuable insights to have. I question whether, on their own, they are sufficient to bring about success.

I will give you an example. Although I have both Commerce and Law degrees to my name, I found that there were many gaps in my knowledge when I began running my own business. To fill these gaps I read book after book on how to successfully run a business and make money. They were probably all great books, but none of them ever answered the questions I had. They might tell me how to generically write the copy for an advertisement, but not how to write it specifically for my business. They might tell me the things to look for when hiring people, but never the specific things I would need to look for in my industry. They might tell me how to get finance for my business, but never the inside knowledge that would make my bank view my application more favourably.

What you are going to have to do to experience success…

If self help and other books didn’t give me the answers that enabled my success, what did?

There were four things that eventually brought success into my life as a business woman:

The realization that the only person who could do it WAS ME. No-one else was going to be able to achieve my success for me. There was no magic pill I could take, no book I could read, no course I could attend that would bring about the changes inside me that would be required. The only person who could do that was me.

Realizing it was TAKING ACTION that would lead to experience and then to knowledge. Sitting and reading wasn’t going to get me the answers I needed. I have taken lots and lots of action. I have succeeded as often as I have failed. And of both the successes and the failures along the way… I learned a lot more from the failures then I did from the successes. The failures showed me what not to do next time, what not to say, what not to pay for… so that next time I was wiser about how I did it.

NEVER GIVING UP. On my journey to success I have what I now call ‘flexible commitment’. I am very committed to achieving the outcomes I set myself… but I do it in a very flexible way. If what I am doing isn’t working, then I am now flexible enough to try doing it a different way. I am also flexible enough to wait until the time is right and then pounce with my new idea. I stay true to the targets I set myself, but I go about achieving them in a less rigid and more flexible way than I did previously. If bashing my head against the wall isn’t working, then I start looking for a door.

Having an EXCELLENCE BUDDY. I found myself a mentor who I have regular conversations with. The excellent thing about my mentor is that I mentor them in return. We call ourselves ‘excellence buddies’ and we hold each other to a higher standard than we would if we were operating on our own. We bounce ideas off each other and hold each other accountable for achieving the targets we set out to achieve. Knowing that she is going to ring me at the end of the week and see how I am going is sometimes the greatest motivation in the world to get the job done.

Is there any value in self help books and self help courses?

Absolutely! There is still value in self help books and self help courses. However, they are not the total solution to any challenge you have. The final key in the solution has to come from you, from a desire inside you to make change and take the action needed.

I still attend personal development programs. In fact I run them myself and I love them.

I am never too arrogant to believe that I know it all and there is nothing someone else can teach me. There is always a new insight to be gained, a quicker way to get a self understanding or a new perspective on an issue.

But both when I run personal development seminars for others (and when I attend them myself) I am very aware that you will need to take action after you leave the seminar to fully incorporate the changes into your life. I know that I need to walk out of the course and take action if I wish to achieve success.

In summary I guess I am saying, that unless you are prepared to take the actions necessary to make change in your life, then save your money and stop going to self help courses and reading self help books.

If, however, you are prepared to take the action needed, then self help books and self help courses are an incredible way to get the skills, insights and motivation you need to really get your life moving towards success and reaching your potential.

Self-Help Strategies For Building Self-Esteem

Depressed feelings are triggered when maltreated or by individual self-assessment. Self-help for building self-esteem is highly recommended for people suffering with low self-esteem as it creates depression, anxiety, phobia and also leads to mental illness in extreme cases.

The need for self-help becomes inevitable as such traumatized people cannot enjoy work or life and fail to attain any personal goal. This makes them think negatively. However, prior to considering the strategies and actions involved in raising self-esteem, it becomes essential to recognize the valid reasons behind depression. This recognition of reasons helps in undergoing physical treatment and doing worthwhile activities and in self-development.

Self-help for building self-esteem includes strategies such as eating healthily, performing plenty of exercises, watching fun movies, spending valuable time with friends, practicing or reading hobbies of choice. Raising self-esteem is easily done by paying best attention to the wants and needs of their own body, heart and mind. It entails taking appropriate care and this depends on having healthy food consisting of five to six helpings of fruits, vegetables, cereals, grains and also non-vegetarian food of two servings including meat and chicken. Self-help procedure focuses on body movements and regular exercises. Doing outdoor exercises and scheduling time for exercises is very important.

Self-help for building self-esteem is the right way of coming out of a withdrawn shell. It is the best as one can come out of a trauma only when they desire for it. Certain things that include actions and have some strategies are riding, playing games, walking, climbing staircase several times and definitely listening to good music. Self-help for building self-esteem can be ensured by learning new things such as actively participating in fun activities. Such actions display positive results over a period of time. It also needs the support of confidence and this can be increased by focusing in the abilities and talents, as this helps a person in recognizing their own value and builds self-confidence.

Investing in purchasing good clothes and dressing well certainly has a great impact on people suffering with weak self-esteem. Compatible friends who are energetic and lively keep the depressed people happy. Self-help for building self-esteem meant that such people should be occupied continuously. Even simple actions such as making the living space attractive create a feeling of well-being. Displaying personal achievements augments the self-confidence that is essential to increase from the low self-esteem. Self-help behavior should bring out every action of their creativity in open and this may include even making meals or discussing pleasant topics or also creating a good ambiance.

Self-help for building self-esteem is a tricky path as you have to steer and lead towards improvement on your own. This can be best done by diverting towards learning new skill sets as it boosts the levels of confidence in a person. Initiating with small things that does not demand much of their activity gives them a comfortable feel and working on a diet plan is also a must.

Self-help for building self-esteem is best basically when self-appearance is improved, as it depends on the self-confidence. Smiling, volunteering for simple tasks and speaking few words kindly will certainly build self-confidence when such actions are done consistently. The changes get incorporated and allow rejuvenating making life more enjoyable.

Online Self Help Tips To Help You Increase Your Self Esteem

Do you have issues with your self esteem? Today, I would like to share with you some online self help tips to help you increase that. I believe you do not wish to keep living life with a low self esteem, so I hope that this article will help you.

More often than not, the reason why someone has low self esteem is because he or she does not value himself or herself at all. I do not know what you have gone through in your past. Maybe you have been bullied, or people have disrespected you. Whatever the case may be, you need to draw a line between all those negative experiences and the truth. Whether you know it or not, there are people out there who care for you. You may think that everybody is out to get you, but I am sure that you still have a family. Let us consider even the worst case scenario. A beggar on the street may still receive care and concern from complete strangers. Your life is precious, and I hope you change your mindset about yourself.

Let me continue with these online self help tips. The next step you can take to increase your self esteem is to affirm yourself. Positive affirmations are what make athletes successful in their field of sport. There is a certain golfer who spends time looking himself in the mirror and speaking positive affirmations to himself. Today, he is a successful golfer and has won many major tournaments. In fact, I just heard the news and he just won another tournament. It all started with him affirming himself in his own private time. If he could achieve such success with one simple act, what about you? You could turn your lack of self worth into a healthy love and confidence in yourself.

To wrap up these online self help tips, I want to remind you that we are all human, and we are bound to make mistakes in life. Sometimes, it is not recommended to be a perfectionist, because that means you will end up being too hard and demanding on yourself. If you find that you cannot meet up to your own personal expectations, you may end up hating yourself. My advice to you is to take things at their own stride and just give your best in whatever you do.

How Self-Help Boosts the Health of Your Mind, Body, and Spirit

Self Discipline Coaching:

Do you remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live? He was a character that took the idea of self-help and made fun of it. Stuart would look in the mirror and tell himself he was special and smart and do other daily affirmations. A famous quote that he said is, “… [B]ecause I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!”

The most interesting thing about this skit is that even though they sought to make fun of the entire self-help movement, there was truth in what they did. The more you talk to yourself in a positive way, the more positive your life will become and the more successful you will become. It’s just a fact that positive people are often more successful than negative people. The reason is that positive people believe they deserve to be successful.

* No One Knows You Better Than Yourself – Also, no one is more judgmental to you than yourself. It’s sad that the one person you can truly count on, turns on you and treats you worse than you would allow any other individual to treat you, isn’t it? But you can turn this around by taking hold of the idea of self-help and realizing that it’s not just a comedy skit. It’s real, and it can affect your entire being: mind, body and spirit.

* Believe in Self-Help – People who are interested in self-help are generally open-minded people who believe that they have some measure of control over what happens to them. That means that people who get help from self-help already believe that it is possible. They are willing to give the suggestions they learn a try, and due to that fact alone usually see success in their efforts.

* Self-Help Can Build Self-Confidence – When you feel confident in yourself, positive things begin to happen to your mind. If you previously thought you could not do something and due to reading a self-help book you went outside of your comfort zone and experienced success, it is likely that the self-confidence you developed will wash over into trying more new things. It can be like a snowball effect that more confidence builds more confidence.

* Self-Help Can Reduce Anxiety – When you realize that you’re not helpless against your emotions and feelings, you will start to notice a big change. When you manage to overcome some of your social anxiety due to taking some of the actions you’ve read about in self-help books, then each step you take out of anxiety will get easier. This isn’t to say that you will never need medication for social anxiety, but you might realize from self-help that it’s okay to take medication if you need it.

* Self-Help Can Be the Catalyst for Getting Healthy – Very few people are able to change their body through diet and exercise, because they don’t think that they can or they haven’t figured out a plan of action to do it. By reading self-help books and finding stories of others who have accomplished it, you start to realize it is possible and that you can do it too. Even if you only reach half your goal, you will still end up healthier than before self-help.

* Self-Help Makes It Normal to Be Spiritual – Today it can be hard to be spiritual due to how busy everyone is and how it feels like a dog-eat-dog world which is full of anything but love. But when you read self-help books and try to practice self-love and acceptance, you start realizing how much you need the spiritual food that love gives you. When you make it a priority, your life will become better.